I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have post one night stand depression
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