Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
