Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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