My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
