I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
