I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
