Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
