I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
