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just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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