my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
