You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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