I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
