I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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