woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
