so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
