hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
