I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
