We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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