I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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