obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
