New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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