Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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