I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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