Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
