i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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