I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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