She is in my trunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
