Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
