I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
