Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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