I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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