i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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