that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
