i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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