Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
