My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
