your parents love me but you hate me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
