Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
