Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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