Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
