is your mom at the bar?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
