You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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