you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
