She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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