I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
