I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
