Plan B is the new Plan A
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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