You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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