That's intense
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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