: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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